And why neither one is helping you.
There are a lot of parenting methods/philosophies/cultish parenting groups that are GREAT. The ideas behind them really make sense and they want for moms and babies to turn out happy and healthy. Some people out there have really done their research or sought out some insight and come to some great conclusions. There are some that I personally strongly believe in. Then there are some where I question most of the group members' ability to either read research correctly or trust basic human compassion or common sense. Yet I don't feel the overwhelming urge, (as a number of other mothers apparently do) to get on the internet and find all those well-meaning ladies who disagree with me and try to evangelize them in spiraling arguments on online discussion boards. Why?
It's like if you woke up one morning and decided you wanted to lose some weight to improve your health. You came to me, your wise and compassionate friend, to share your intentions and I said "Awesome! You'll have so much energy and you'll feel great! Here, I've got a pair of size 2 jeans, try 'em on!"
I think you'll feel better if you've lost weight. So just start acting like someone who's lost weight and...tada! Probably not the wisdom or compassion they were looking for.
I can't tell someone to "just do" something that I believe in and think that it will address the roots of the problem. It doesn't work, it makes you feel bad (and likely defensive) about what you're not and maybe, just maybe, everyone's not made to fit into your size 2 parenting jeans.
Just search around you for some quick anecdotal evidence. Do you know parents who have nice kids? What are the common factors? Maybe....nice parents? What about kids who are kind? Grateful? Caring? Mature? Kids who make healthy life choices?
What the Attachment Parenting/Sleep Trainers/Breastfeeding Mothers of the World Unite advocates aren't telling you is that their "method" isn't a magic formula for raising a happy, healthy child any more than trying to squeeze into some skinny jeans is a magic formula for transforming your body. So how do you raise happy, healthy children? I don't have all the answers yet, but I think being a happy, healthy human is a good start. Because if the kind parents I know have raised kind children, I can postulate some guesses about the children of the mean, judgmental parents. Even if they vaccinated/didn't vaccinate/worked/homeschooled/breastfed their kids until they were 7.
I'm not saying these choices are irrelevant, any more than I'm saying that those aren't some pretty darn cute jeans. I try to make the best choices for my kids. I think and pray and research and perpetually doubt myself. Then I try to be the kind of person who would make good choices. I try to be wise and kind. I try to be thoughtful, I try to be compassionate. I try to consider that others might be wiser than I am and often when I think I'm right and the rest of the world is wrong....I might just be wrong. I hope that if I pursue a good heart and a wise mind I will find that the right choices seem to fit naturally, and that I'm modeling someone I would want my children to emulate along the way. So when it comes to other mothers? I don't just tell them to toss on some parenting methods and call it good. I encourage rather than evangelize, I do my best to help them be healthy and, if they ask, I can help them pick out some jeans that fit.
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